Here's the thing...

I haven't really talked about this with too many people, but every once in a while, I like to just type out my thoughts as a therapeutic thing. So I'm going to do that.

I'm struggling a bit right now. It's not been the easiest month for me, just kind of trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and what is making me happy. Those types of major issues. There are obviously deeper ones that I won't get in to here, but it's manifesting itself in to aggravating what has been a nice dormant depressive state. As weird as it sounds, a lot of things are going very well in my life, and I'm really not used to that. I think I expected something to go wrong over the past year or so, something major, and nothing has. As a result, I don't know what to do, and it scared the hell out of me.

Ultimately, I know how lucky I am to have that as a problem. But when what you've been used to through most of your life is dealing with states of depression or just difficulty, whatever you want to call it, these types of things can become much more major than maybe they should be.

Julia has been very supportive, which I'm appreciative of. I don't imagine it is easy for her, especially considering she's dealing with many of the same things. I'm pretty used to dealing with this, but it's always been on my own. Dealing with it while also trying to be a good supportive boyfriend is a challenge.

I know that this will pass. That doesn't mean that it won't be difficult in the mean time. I'm struggling with sleep right now, which is of course typical, and not helpful.

My friends Scot and Michelle will be leaving for Boston tomorrow. That won't be easy. They're such great people, that no matter how happy I am for them, it still is just one of those very difficult things. I've known Scot for 7-8 years now. He's been a very good friend. And no matter how many times you have this happen, with the Walls, Satkuses, McNabb-Daschlers...it's still pretty hard.

I'll try not to have many more posts like this. Like I said, sometimes I just feel a need to type these things out and put it out there. It's a good space for me to do it.